Trader Joe's Power Rankings

1. Josh's tits - best night ever

2. Tracy (dude) - for inventing Josh's tits.

3. Edson - for being the eleventeen version of me, if I was an eleventeen year old girl.

4. Justin - great tattoo. old age. fucking weird.

5. Brian - he likes lesbians, and tries to hit on them. I approve.

6. Maria - I don't know what the fuck her deal is.

7. Tracy (girl) - She told me that she might have swine flu today. I tired to avoid her for the rest of the day.

8. Jaime - I should actually put him like number 2 on my list. Why did we both work cereal together? I liked it though, as we just quoted Wet Hot American Summer. We also talked about how the gay scene in it was a little too over the top.

9. Josh - he has tits?????!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

10. Andrew - He came to work today wearing a fucking suit!!!!!!! A suit with a pink tie!!!!! He is fucking awesome!!!

John Cz might have made this list, but he almost gave me swine flu for realz.

Another power ranking soon to come after my Cinco de Mayo Menos Tres party on Saturday.

Top 2 Best Songs Ever

1. Bonnie "Prince" Billy - I See A Darkness

2. Johnny Cash - I See A Darkness (Bonnie "Prince" Billy cover)

Matt omegle's, and gets an A

Stranger: hi
You: horny?
Stranger: OUR GAY ARMY WILL OVER TAKE THE WORLD
Stranger: and by that i mean
You: you must be french
Stranger: legalize marriage
You: so your a fag
Stranger: is a fag for girls and guys?
You: both i guess
Stranger: then yes i am
You: are you a muff diver or a dick sucker
Stranger: well either way you put it, it is incredibly rude
You: I thought you were a dick sucker
You: your rude for putting dicks in your mouth
Stranger: Why are you mean to gay people?
You: WWJD
Stranger: or so you are one of those people
You: so where r u from my recently found gay friend
You: im just joking I love the gays
Stranger: now i don't knwo what to believe
You: come on you can trust me were friends right?
Stranger: we are most certainly not friends
You: yeah we are homo
Stranger: we are strangers
You: so are you blowing a guy right now
Stranger: well I am from the US
You: san fran
Stranger: No I don't go near dicks
Stranger: ew
You: awesome
You: so do you wear the pants or does she
Stranger: why?
Stranger: neither of us wear pants
You: because we finally have something in common
Stranger: why do people assume that
You: we both like pussy
You: i dont know i think the straight community just assumes one is always butchy
Stranger: we are both girl girls
Stranger: *girly
You: that is really hot than
Stranger: we both have long hair
Stranger: and wear dresses
You: i love u
Stranger: and makeup
Stranger: why?
You: because you eat pussy like all the time your sick
Stranger: I don't eat it all the time
You: my brother just got his appendix taken out
Stranger: I do other things
Stranger: is he okay?
You: yeah he is recovering
You: i just got mine out 3 weeks ago weird right
Stranger: thats good
Stranger: yea that is weird
Stranger: how old are you?
You: tell me about it
You: 23 you
Stranger: 18
You: nice where r u from
Stranger: NYC
You: nice im from new york
You: westchester
You: where in the city
Stranger: rich eh?
You: no
Stranger: I am from park slope
You: ok
Stranger: so question
You: shoot
Stranger: why do you think gay guys are gross but not us lesbians?
You: i was just joking I dont I have gay friends
Stranger: no gay friends?
You: sorry do
Stranger: "Stranger: your rude for putting dicks in your mouth"
Stranger: thats not really nice
You: yeah but it is kind of funny you have to admit
Stranger: only because you assume i am a guy
Stranger: otherwise not funny
You: no thats funny i dont care who you are
Stranger: saying i am rude for having dicks in my mouth makes anyone that sucks your dick rude
You: no just dude on dude sucking that is rude
Stranger: why rude?
You: listen im all for the gays but no dick belongs in another guys mouth its science
Stranger: less guys you have to compeat with for girls
Stranger: how is it science
Stranger: there is a hole and something to go in the hole
You: its science
Stranger: can you explain what you mean by science
You: look i like chicks you like chicks you should be my wingman one night
Stranger: not if you are an asshole to gays
Stranger: also you never explained why it is science
You: im not an asshole
Stranger: well you could have fooled me
You: come on thats not nice
Stranger: why is it science
Stranger: cause if that is science then pussy and pussy don't go together in science
You: pussy on pussy = awesome dick on dick = ewwwwwwww
Stranger: do you have any reason or not?
Stranger: cause i am waiting
You: yes give me a second
Stranger: ok
You: E=MC2 which really means dicks in mouths is gross look it up I didnt write it my friend albert einstein did its science
Stranger: actually it means energy = mass times the speed of light squared
You: thats what he wanted everyone to think but it turns out old albert was a big homophobe
Stranger: well now i know you are an asshole, you have no real reason to be judgmental and call gays gross
You: not all gays just male homos
You: i perfectly cool with you goin down on other girls
Stranger: doesn't matter to me you call one gross you call all gross
You: dont put words in my mouth because they have dicks and you have a vagina
You: therefore you are different.
Stranger: what does that have anything to do with it
You: it has everything to do with it
You: i bet your a real freak in the sack
Stranger: so what we have different things but we are all people who deserve respect
Stranger: (you are right i am )
You: i do respect everyone however everyone is entitled to an opinion
Stranger: you can have an opinion and I can disagree
Stranger: and I can have the opinion that you sound like an ass
You: yes you can that is the beauty of it all
Stranger: but yes i do like going down
You: and i can have an opinion that guys putting other guys dicks in their mouths is nasty
Stranger: and spicing things up
You: thats what im talking about
Stranger: i like handcuffs
You: i knew you were a freak
Stranger: and sometimes blinfolds
Stranger: ice cubes
You: can i jerk off while you and your girl go at
Stranger: no that is gross
You: come on
Stranger: also how would you know
Stranger: /see
You: how would i know what
Stranger: you would be there stranger and we are right here on the couch watching TV
You: nice can you guys start fooling around a little
Stranger: haha first off what makes you think we aren't
You: i bet you are i have good vibes about you
You: i think this is the longest conversation i have ever had on this
Stranger: and secondly how would you get off just knowing my gf is kissing my neck and rubbing my pussy
You: you would be surprised
Stranger: (which she isn't doing the second but she is doing the first)
Stranger: and she is telling me to get off of here so we can fool around
You: nice i just went from six to midnight
You: if you know what i mean
Stranger: I know what you mean, I may like pussy and have a pussy but I know what you mean
Stranger: hehehehe
You: i respect that
You: im rock solid right now
You: you turn me on like no other
Stranger: i should go she is getting antcy
You: nice go take care of business
Stranger: hmm i think she can wait a sec
You: ok
Stranger: waiting is always beter in the long run
You: yeah it is make her wait a little and than you hit her like a mack truck
Stranger: cause when i do lick her until she comes in my mouth she will like the wait and the prolonged pleasure
You: yeah she will
You: i almost finished when i just read that
Stranger: as will I because I am extremely horny right now
You: yeah you are
You: if i only had a pussy we could have been something together me and you
Stranger: maybe she should just make me cum for the first time while i talk to you
You: that is a good idea tell her to get on her knees and take care of business
Stranger: naw she has amazing fingers
You: nice everyone has their talents
Stranger: also I like to be kissing when I have an orgasm
You: nice very sensual i like that
You: maybe she can stick one of those magical fingers up my ass while i jerk off its not cheating
Stranger: ew not in the butt
You: why not?
You: fine maybe she can play with you and than stick one of those fingers in my mouth that would be awesome
Stranger: that just turned me off a little, however my girlfriends hand down my jeans has kept me hot
You: why are your jeans still on ive been naked for like 15 minutes already
Stranger: haha unziped and unbuttoned is enough for round one
You: ok now were cooking
Stranger: you know that feeling when you know you are about to cum
You: i feel like im in a lesbian porno right now except im totally not
You: yeah its the best feeling
Stranger: and the nexxt little thing she does will make you cum right into her hands
You: yes talk dirty to me
Stranger: thats where I am
You: oh i love u
You: you just came didnt you thats hot
Stranger: ohhh I love her
You: ohh i love both of you guys
Stranger: Hi :)
Stranger: my names allie
You: hello allie im matt
Stranger: my gf is a little busy right now
You: you guys are amazing
Stranger: she told me to take this while her head is inbetween my legs
You: nice im pullin it right now to the thought of you two doing nasty shit
Stranger: i don't want to know that
You: yeah you do it makes the whole situation a lot hotter
Stranger: Just say you are rubbing it to us
You: im rubbing one out to you guys right now
Stranger: lol that will do
You: ok glad we could agree
Stranger: this is actually the second time we have done it while on here
Stranger: its does add something extra
You: it does its hot
You: i wish you guys would add a dick to the bedroom we could have so much fun
Stranger: sorry its hard to type why her tongue is swirling around my clit
You: that is so hot
Stranger: if you think that is hot you should be in this room
You: i wish i was there right now i would blow a load all over you guys it would be awesome
Stranger: ew you can blow it into your own hand
Stranger: while I cum in her mouth
You: and than rub it on your chests your right that would be hotter
You: yes cum all over her mouth
You: damn you guys are really goin at it right now
Stranger: ah sorry we should go
You: can you guys send me a pic of whats goin on right now so i can finish myself off right now
Stranger: we need to move to the bed and I don't want to take the computer
You: ok bye i love you guys
Stranger: thanks for adding that spice ;)
Stranger: bye

Really?

Dear Q,

You are one of my heroes. I love your movies. I even have a tattoo from one of your movies. But...really?



----------------
Now playing: And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead - Inland Sea
via FoxyTunes

I love 90's Emo

Download

BYO Split Series, Vol. 3. Rancid NOFX

I listened to this earlier today when I was cleaning and I felt like I was back in high school again.



Download

Paella

The kid in this, that is rude to his mom, is one of the biggest assholes ever. I seriously hate this commercial, and all because of this pompous jerk. I need to find him in real life, and punch him in the nose.

I.R.S.

Dear Government,

Taxes are such bullshit.

You take too much out of my paychecks, and then make me jump through hoops to get you to give me my money back.

This year I had 4 jobs. I had to enter 4 fucking W-2's online for both my federal and state income tax things. Bullshit.
One of said jobs wouldn't fucking send me my W-2 correctly. and when I finally took it upon myself to call payroll when it didn't come the third time I requested it, I get sassed by some black lady in New Jersey.

Then the Federal online version was super confusing and wouldn't let me submit the form because I had not filled out a section that it said I could leave blank. Bullshit.

I started this shit at 130 ish, and finally finished at 330ish. Bullshit.

I am getting $400+ back for my federal refund. not bullshit.
I am getting 11$ back from IL. weak, but I didn't pay much into it, so still pretty sweet.

Next year, I think I am just going to make everything up.
This year, I am going to go get a 411$ tattoo

MY FAVORITE SHOWS.....

DAILY UPDATE

woke up.

took all my empty beer cans to grocery store to recycle. 5 cents a can. it paid for 2 6-packs of high life tall boys, a 4-pack of light bulbs, and dishwasher fluid.

watched liverpool go up 2-0 at half. grilled chicken.

went to bar.

watched liverpool tie 4-4. drank beer,

cried.

----------------
Now playing: The Fall - The Classical
via FoxyTunes

FoxyTunes

FoxyTunes

This is pretty awesome. I advise you all to download it.



----------------
Now playing: Alkaline Trio - I lied My Face off
via FoxyTunes

Trader Joe Power Rankings

Here are my weekly updated power rankings at my job:

10. Gail (previous ranking: 8) - She continued to give me awesome high fives, although she said my high fives are sometimes too strong. I took it as a compliment though.

9. Dave (previously not ranked) - This guy is fucking insane. Seriously. He is FUCKING INSANE! I think he wanted to kill me because I left him off the first week. He might want to kill me for adding him to the list this week. I don't fucking have any idea about this kid. He is from Wisconsin.

8. Andrew (previously not ranked) - This guy is 50 years old. He is awesome though. He speaks different languages, he loves Pete Seeger, and he talks about trees and other crazy shit.

7. Maria (previously not ranked) - I told her that she would get on my power rankings by going to omegle.com. She text messaged me back at 4:30am telling me that she had heard bad things about the site. What the fuck is her problem?

6. Carlos (previously ranked 9) - this kid is in the Jonas Brothers. We are going to see Bane together.

5. John Cz (previously ranked 7) - This guy looks like he hates the world, but he loves video games, cartoons, the Giants, and Megadeath.

4 Edson (previously ranked 3) - Had to drop him down a spot because I think he got a little cocky with his high ranking last week. He also wears a "The Academy Is" hoodie, so he drops one spot.

3. Jaime (previously ranked 4) - He switches spots with Edson due to him being asian. He also kind of freaks out whenever we have a "team huddle."

2. Matt Svechenko (previously not ranked) - He turned 21 this week. He is also possible related to Andrei Svechenko. He is in Vegas, hopefully he is having sex with hookers.

1. Justin (pr 2) - I thought he was 23 years old. Inverse it. He is 32. Mindfuck. He loves the Flaming Lips, and he told me he hung out with the kid of that dude from the Black Crowes that was all up in Kate Hudson.

Chae's Omegle Experience

Our friend Chae, over at No Shark Attacks, just learned about Omegle.com. This is what happened:

Stranger: hi
You: hello
Stranger: im dead
You: really
Stranger: yes
You: how so
Stranger: got stabbed
You: also are you foreign, I heard there were a lot of foreigners
You: on this site
Stranger: nope
Stranger: canadian
You: that's pretty foreign
Stranger: wtf how?
You: because you guys drink milk out of bags
Stranger: yea so? its better for the enviroment
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

4:44am Thoughts

I just watched the movie "Choke." I surprisingly really enjoyed it, even though it got horrible reviews and was also based on the book by Chuck Palahniuk. As I watched the movie, I realized that I had actually read the book awhile ago, but I had forgot all about it. I guess that just shows what I thought about the book, and the author in general. Unlike every other 20-something year old, I am not a Palahniuk fan. Yet I still enjoyed the movie even with all my pre-conceived biases against it. Sam Rockwell excelled as the main character, like always. I have said it before to my friends, but I would want Sam Rockwell to play myself if there was ever a move made about my life. Well, either him or Jeremy Piven.

Liverpool lost three to one against Chelsea in their first leg of their champions leg quarterfinal. I am not happy about this.

I am happy about A.J. Burnett pitching well today and the Yankees getting their first win of the season.

I am super stoked about Cinco de Mayo.

I am not super stoked about the money I need to put into my broken down car.

My mustache is growing in gloriously, and I am actually getting used to it.

Remember Air, that French electronic duo? I'm still really surprised that all the hipster kids randomly got behind Daft Punk and not Air.

I'm thinking about moving back to Chicago, but I need to find a good place to live. Chae and I agree that it should be by a Bacci's.

Television sucks at this time of night. But not the band Television, they rule.

my fun with omegle.

I dont think I can handle this anymore:

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: I am he who watches they. I am the fist of retribution. That which does quell the recalcitrant. Dare you defy the Warchief? Dare you face my merciless judgement?"

You: hi
(disconnected)

Connecting to server...

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi

You: hi

Stranger: asl

You: 24 m chicago. are you american?

Stranger: california~

Stranger: 18

Stranger: f

You: finally, its all brazilians and british kids on this site since i found it

You: i hate brazilians

Stranger: i knowww.

Stranger: i've talked to like 230948930 british people

Stranger: lol why?

You: they are hard to make conversation with... especially cause none of them like soccer

You: and all i know about brazil is pele

Stranger: aww sucks

Stranger: LOL!

Stranger: brazil? isn't that like the nation of soccer? hahah.

You: do you know david beckham?

You: like personally?

Stranger: no. haha. do you?

You: no, i just figured, shot in the dark, since he lives in LA

Stranger: lol! haha i live in NorCal.

Stranger: far away from LA T_T

You: if you did know him Id tell you to punch him in the face for me.

Stranger: i'm not a huge fan of his, either~

You: yeah, probably a good thing. LA was super disappointing when i went there

You: so you have in n out burgers by you?

Stranger: haha i have one like 10 minutes away.

Stranger: it's great. (:

Stranger: they're so good lol :D and their fries are yummy, too~

Stranger: how do you know about in n out? lol

You: awesome. i am jealous.

Stranger: ahaha i'll send some over to you asap.

Stranger: they don't have dunkin doughnuts here, though. or not where i live D:

Stranger: i used to eat a lot of dunkin doughnuts when i live in MA.

You: weak, you arent missing out too much though anymore, i always get really sassy indian ladies disrespecting me when I go to a dunkin donuts

You: or, they talk in indian, so i assume they are talking about me, negatively

Stranger: oh dang. haha that is not a good experience. :/

Stranger: oh well. cinnabon has really good cinnamon rolls, so i'm all good. haha.

You: nice

Stranger: so what's up with your life? (:

You have disconnected.

( i was gonna ask this girl to cyber, but decided to stay classy, since she was probably a dude)

Fun on Omegle.com

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi!
Stranger: hi
You: i'm in a band
You: we are post-rock
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi!
Stranger: sup
You: do you like white castle
Stranger: white castle is awesome
Stranger: i dont have one near me anymore
You: awesome man. white castle is awesome!!!!
Stranger: yes it is
You: i wish i was at one right now
You: have you heard the band whitechapel?
Stranger: nope
You: they make great sliders
You: /riffs
You: /breakdowns
You: /fries
Stranger: rofl
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi!
Stranger: hey
Stranger:
You: what are you beliefs on mustaches?
Stranger: they are epic and awesome
You: I'm sporting a fu-manchu/handlebar right now. so far i have got 40% positive reviews and 60% sexual harassment suits
You: i think it has been a good idea so far
Stranger: gotta switch that percentage around
You: your top 5 favorite people with staches?
Stranger: hmmm
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Top 10 People I Work With

1. kevin - everytime he walks by me, he just yells out "devin!" which then makes me respond with a "kevin!"

2. justin - this motherfucker is insane. he is really old. he has an amazing tattoo

3. edson - he reminds me of myself when i was eleventeen years old

4. jaime - he's asian

5. mike falco - i want to start a karaoke team with him

6. cherelle - she is always angry

7. john cz - he hates the world, but loves video games and cartoons

8. gail - she always gives me a high five

9. carlos - he is in the jonas brothers

10. peggy - she is asian. and small

Medeival Times

I Hate the Internet

SpitalMrak (3:21:55 AM): Devin
SpitalMrak (3:22:04 AM): Come back.
Devinc7 (4:03:01 AM): welcome back kotter
SpitalMrak (4:03:27 AM): Hogan's Heroes
Devinc7 (4:05:56 AM): the real world: san diego
SpitalMrak (4:06:39 AM): My Three Sons.
Devinc7 (4:07:03 AM): 3 men and a pretty lady
SpitalMrak (4:08:14 AM): Short Circuit
Devinc7 (4:10:24 AM): Short Bus (that weird, sexual movie by that dude who made hedwig and the angry inch)
SpitalMrak (4:11:31 AM): Project: ALF (the made-for-tv movie from 1996)
Devinc7 (4:11:38 AM): project x
SpitalMrak (4:12:24 AM): X-Men IV: Gettin' Shitty.
Devinc7 (4:13:08 AM): x-men origins: australia (starring nicole kidman)
SpitalMrak (4:14:29 AM): Autralian Warcrimes (starring Peter Frampton & the dog from Full House)
SpitalMrak (4:14:49 AM): *Australian Warcrimes
Devinc7 (4:14:56 AM): comet
Devinc7 (4:15:00 AM): the dog
SpitalMrak (4:15:03 AM): Yeah
SpitalMrak (4:15:10 AM): That dog
Devinc7 (4:15:56 AM): and everything
SpitalMrak (4:16:16 AM): That singer has a thyroid issue
Devinc7 (4:16:27 AM): ive never actually listened to them
SpitalMrak (4:16:39 AM): Better for it.
SpitalMrak (4:17:08 AM): Just because you can doesn't mean you should.
Devinc7 (4:17:37 AM): marcus. i have whiffle ball tomorrow. i need my rest. goodnight
SpitalMrak (4:17:53 AM): And that goes for cold cuts past their expiration date as well.
SpitalMrak (4:18:06 AM): Goodnight and good journey.
Devinc7 (4:18:27 AM): goodnight mr. davey, who once took me to go see journey. true story

Renaissance Fair

Frodus

I feel like there are some bands that I have possession of. That is, when they were around, I felt like I was the only one that listened to them. Frodus is one of those bands. While I know they had a devout following, I have never really met anyone who I openly discussed the love I have for this band. I guess they are making somewhat of a comeback. They played a hometown show in D.C. recently and also played at SXSW. Their last album, "And We Washed Our Weapons In the Sea" is one of my favorite albums ever. Get it:



download